Baby Steps

I actually feel good about this one!!

A Little Pick Me Up

I was talking to someone the other day about my weight, and how insecure I am about my body. Going from a size 10 to a size 16 has taken a toll on not just my physical health by my psyche as well. Anyway, their response to me was, "So what are you going to do about it?" I could not do anything but give them a "don't judge me" smirk. However, they were right. What am I going to do about it? So far, it seems like nothing but talk about it. I mean hello look at this blog. This blog demonstrates my lack of dedication. I am not ashamed to admit it – I lack dedication.

Some days I am all in, and push myself well beyond my limits. Other days, I am like forget about it. Fortunately having my niece in the house with me this summer has helped a lot. She has shown a tremendous amount of dedication, and unknowingly gives me that extra ump on my “forget about it” days. But, I know that I have to get to a place where I can do it on my own.

On the brighter side, let me tell you this… Tonight was the first time I jogged in a very long time. Granted I did not go far, but it felt so good. I never in my life said jogging felt good. There was something about tonight that felt so liberating. I do not know if it was the cool breeze, Kevin Gates blasting in my ear, or if it was just a release of built up tension. Whatever it was I must have more.

Singing…"I was tryna get it how I live. I want them dead presidents. I wanna pull up, head spent. Get it, get fly. I got six jobs, I don’t get tired." - Kevin Gates

I Will Not Be Defeated (at least not by a Fitbit)

Oh my goodness, talk about pushing through the pain. Yesterday I volunteered at a thrift store for four hours. I was standing up sorting clothes for four long hours (okay maybe not all four, but still). By the time I got home, my foot was so swollen and in so much pain. There was absolutely no way I was going to be able to reach my step goal. So, I crawled into the bed and called it night.

This morning my foot was still swollen from last night, so much so that I was not able to wear close-toe shoes. The shoes that I did wear did not help the situation at all. When I got home from work, I looked at my Fitbit and saw that I was nowhere near my step goal. In my mind, I debated if I was going to attempt to reach at least half of my goal. Then I was like, “You know what, let’s just do this.” I changed my clothes, went outside, and started walking.

I made it to the elementary school, and decided to walk around the track. Unfortunately, it rained pretty hard earlier today, so that the track was muddy. But I walked about five times around, and then decided to walk to my sister’s house. By this time, my foot was killing me. I sat at my sister’s house and debated if I was going to push through the pain or call it quits. After resting for about twenty minutes, I decided to walk back home. As I walked into my garage, I looked at my Fitbit again – 70% complete. I wanted to cry, because I was in pain and I was starting to feel defeated. However, I refuse to lose to a Fitbit. I put my earbuds back in my ears, got up and started walking. Goal completed!

Music - My Motivation

I went for a walk last night. While I was walking, I was listening to Pandora. Well, I should not say I was listening, rather the music was in my ears distracting me from the pain in my foot (that is another story). Several songs played, but I have no idea what all of them were. Then a song came on that caught my attention right in the middle of it. I have heard the song several times on the radio, but I never paid attention to the lyrics until last night. For some reason the lyrics gave me a little bit of motivation; even though they had nothing to do with my journey to a healthier me, the lyrics just did something for me.

Only meaning one thing, don't get tired, I go hard
Don't play with the hustle, you eat or you starve
Don't mimic pretenders, just be who you are
Ain't never change, been like this from the start

Get it, get fly, I got six jobs, I don't get tired?

- Kevin Gates

The song is about him getting on his grind so that he can make money and have a better life. Granted I am not doing this so that I can make money; however, I am on this journey to have a better life. As I was walking last night, and wanting to stop because my foot was really hurting, this song actually pushed me to keep going. Like if I really want this (to get healthy), then I need to get on my grind. I need to push through the pain and go get.

Just as "I Don't Get Tired" went off, Wale's "Contemplate" started to play. Now I am a HUGE fan of Wale. Any time his music comes on I am all ears (just thought I would share that piece of useless information). Anyway. "Contemplate" is a very melancholy song. Because my mind was in a different place, the lyrics meant something different to me.

Who am I living for, is this my limit
Can I endure some more
Chances are giving
Questions existing

- Wale ft Rihanna

In previous posts, I mentioned that I felt as though I had to start this journey for my kids. When I started this blog, my kids were my motivation. But just like any other addict, I have not been nor will I ever be successful with my sobriety if I am not doing this for me. I have to want it for myself. I have to do this for me.

Here We Go Again

It has been a while since my last post; almost four years to be exact, but here I am. Here I am starting over, and my starting line is miles back from where I previously started. Nevertheless, I have to start somewhere right.

What does this mean, “starting over”? Heck if I know! I know I lack discipline. I do not exercise as often as I should. I am an emotional eater, which means my mood determines the quantity and quality of the foods I eat. I am just all over the place when it comes to my health. If I am starting over, where do I start? Which area do I tackle first, all at the same time? In theory that sounds good, but my reality says differently. Oh I know, change my reality. Hmmm okay.

Here is an idea. As I said in an earlier post, I focus more on my work than I do on my health. Maybe I should treat my health as if it is a job. I make time for my job (intentional or not). I work over-time to make sure I get the job done, which means waking up early or going to bed late. I even sacrifice weekends and holidays for my work. I know there is a result – my paycheck; however, that is not why I am this way about my work. I am this way because I like to produce quality work, and because my name is attached to my work. Therefore, I am going to treat my health like my job, because my life is attached to my health.

So, what does starting over mean, and where do I start? I start by punching the clock! Yeah, it is time to go to work.

The Dark Side of This Popular Drug Taken by 1 in 4 Americans Over-45...

A recent meta-analysis has demonstrated that taking statin drugs is associated with excess risk of developing diabetes.

Researchers looked at five different clinical trials that together examined more than 32,000 people. They found that the higher the dosage of statin drugs being taken, the greater the diabetes risk.

According to the study, as reported by Green Med Info:

"In a pooled analysis of data from 5 statin trials, intensive-dose statin therapy was associated with an increased risk of new-onset diabetes compared with moderate-dose statin therapy."

Sources:

  Journal of the American Medical Association June 22, 2011; 305(24): 2556-2564 

  Green Med Info 

This recent meta-analysis of five different drug trials adds further credence to suspicions that statins may be contributing to the current epidemic of adult-onset diabetes. Statins, as most of you probably know, are the most popular cholesterol-lowering drugs available today.

They're primarily thought of as "preventive medicine" to reduce your risk of heart disease. Many doctors also prescribe them if you have elevated C reactive protein (an indication that you have chronic inflammation in your body), and they're even promoted for kids as young as eight years old!

The fact that statin drugs cause side effects is well established—there are some 900 studies proving their adverse effects, which run the gamut from muscle problems to increased cancer risk. But as we're now starting to discover, statins may also cause diabetes...

Statins Increase Risk of Diabetes Onset, Researchers Find

The meta-analysis, published in JAMA in June, concluded that those taking higher doses of statins were at increased risk of diabetes compared to those taking moderate doses. What this means is that the higher your dose, the higher your risk of developing diabetes.

The "number needed to harm" for intensive-dose statin therapy was 498 for new-onset diabetes—that's the number of people who need to take the drug in order for one person to develop diabetes. In even simpler terms, one out of every 498 people who are on a high-dose statin regimen will develop diabetes. (The lower the "number needed to harm," the greater the risk factor is.)

(As a side note, the "number needed to treat" per year for intensive-dose statins was 155 for cardiovascular events. This means that 155 people have to take the drug in order to prevent oneperson from having a cardiovascular event.)

The following scientific reviews also reached the conclusion that statin use is associated with increased incidence of new-onset diabetes:

• A 2010 meta-analysis of 13 statin trials, consisting of 91,140 participants, found that statin therapy was associated with a 9 percent increased risk for incident diabetes. Here, the number needed to harm was 255 over four years, meaning for every 255 people on the drug, one developed diabetes as a result of the drug in that period of time.
• In this 2009 study, statin use was associated with a rise of fasting plasma glucose in patients with and without diabetes, independently of other factors such as age, and use of aspirin, β-blockers, or angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors. The study included data from more than 345,400 patients over a period of two years.
  
  On average, statins increased fasting plasma glucose in non-diabetic statin users by 7 mg/dL, and in diabetics, statins increased glucose levels by 39 mg/dL.

How Do Statins Cause Diabetes?

Statins appear to provoke diabetes through a few different mechanisms. The most important reason is that they increase your insulin levels, which can be extremely harmful to your health.

While you need some insulin to maintain your blood glucose levels, elevated insulin levels causes chronic inflammation in your body, and inflammation is the hallmark of most chronic diseases. In fact, elevated insulin levels lead to heart disease, which, ironically, is the primary reason for taking a cholesterol-reducing drug in the first place! It can also promote belly fat, high blood pressure, heart attacks, chronic fatigue, thyroid disruption, and diseases like Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, and cancer.

Secondly, statins increase your diabetes risk by raising your blood sugar. When you eat a meal that contains starches and sugar, some of the excess sugar goes to your liver, which then stores it away as cholesterol and triglycerides. Statins work by preventing your liver from making cholesterol. As a result, your liver returns the sugar to your bloodstream, which raises your blood sugar levels.

Statins also rob your body of certain valuable nutrients, which can also impact your blood sugar levels. Two nutrients in particular, vitamin D and CoQ10, are both needed to maintain ideal blood glucose levels.

Now, it's important to realize that drug-induced diabetes and genuine type 2 diabetes are not necessarily identical.

If you're on a statin drug and find that your blood glucose is elevated, it's possible that what you have is just hyperglycemia—a side effect, and the result of your medication. Unfortunately, many doctors will at that point mistakenly diagnose you with "type 2 diabetes," and possibly prescribe another drug, when all you may need to do is simply discontinue the statin in order for your blood glucose levels to revert back to normal. So if friends or loved ones you know are on a statin (and one in four Americans over 45 are) and they are told they have diabetes, please do them a favor and tell them about the information in this article.

Beware: Statins Decimate Health-Promoting Nutrients

It's still uncertain whether statins actually deplete your body of vitamin D, but they do reduce your body's natural ability to create active vitamin D (1,25-dihydroxycholecalciferol). This is the natural outcome of the drug's cholesterol-reducing ability, because you needcholesterol to make vitamin D! It's the raw material your body uses for vitamin D conversion after you've exposed your skin to sunlight.

It's also well-documented that vitamin D improves insulin resistance, so needless to say, when you take a statin drug, you forfeit this 'built-in' health-promoting mechanism.

Additionally, statins suppress your natural coenzyme Q10; also called "ubiquinol" in its active form. Produced mainly in your liver, it makes energy for every cell in your body, and it too plays a role in maintaining blood glucose. Depleting CoQ10 also increases your risk for heart failure, high blood pressure, and heart disease. Moreover, CoQ10 protects your body from oxidative stress, a strong contributing factor in the development of diabetes, metabolic syndrome and heart attacks.

That said, if you absolutely have to take a statin drug, you must make sure to also take ubiquinol in order to prevent CoQ10 deficiency and help protect against cellular damage.

Other Potential Side Effects of Statins

Aside from what I've already covered above, statin drugs are associated with a rather extensive list of harmful side effects, including:

• Weakness
• Polyneuropathy (nerve damage in the hands and feet)
• Acidosis
• Dysfunction of the pancreas
• Muscle aches and pains
• Anemia
• Sexual dysfunction
• Cataracts
• Rhabdomyolysis, a serious degenerative muscle tissue condition
• Potential increase in liver enzymes so patients must be monitored for normal liver function
• Suppressed immune function
• Increased cancer risk

Do You Really Need a Statin Drug?

That these drugs have dominated the market the way they have is a testimony to the power of marketing, corruption and massive conflict of interest, because the odds are very high— greater than 100 to 1—that if you're taking a statin, you do NOT actually need it. It's clearly one of the most over-prescribed drugs there are. There's only one subgroup of people that might benefit from this drug and that's those born with a genetic defect called familial hypercholesterolemia, which makes them resistant to traditional measures of normalizing cholesterol.

In order to see past the propaganda, you must first understand that cholesterol is NOT the cause of heart disease. And if your physician is urging you to check your total cholesterol, then you should know that this test will tell you virtually nothing about your risk of heart disease, unless it is 330 or higher or you have a seriously distorted HDL/Cholesterol ratio.

Your body needs cholesterol. It's important in the production of your cell membranes, hormones, vitamin D and bile acids that help you to digest fat. Cholesterol also helps your brain form memories, and is vital to your neurological function. There is strong evidence that having too little cholesterol increases your risk for cancer, memory loss, Parkinson's disease, hormonal imbalances, stroke, depression, suicide, and violent behavior.

The following ratios are FAR more potent indicators for heart disease, and are the ones you want to keep an eye on:

1. HDL/Total Cholesterol Ratio: Should ideally be above 24 percent. If below 10 percent, you have a significantly elevated risk for heart disease.
2. Triglyceride/HDL Ratio: Should be below 2.

I have seen people with total cholesterol levels over 250 who were actually at low risk for heart disease due to their elevated HDL (so-called "good" cholesterol) levels. Conversely, I have seen many people with cholesterol levels under 200 who had a very high risk of heart disease, based on their low HDL.

How to Optimize Your Cholesterol Levels Without a Drug

It's truly unfortunate that the drug industry's media- and medical industry manipulation has been so successful in brainwashing both doctors and unsuspecting patients into taking these harmful drugs when so few people actually need them. Not to mention the fact that the most effective way to optimize your cholesterol profile and prevent heart disease is via diet and exercise.

It's actually quite simple too. Seventy-five percent of your cholesterol is produced by your liver, which is influenced by your insulin levels.

Therefore, if you optimize your insulin level, you will automatically optimize your cholesterol and reduce your risk of both diabetes and heart disease. As you've just learned, taking a statin drug can actually increase your risk of both of these diseases. And remember the "number needed to treat" that I mentioned earlier; in order to prevent a cardiovascular event in just one person, 155 people must be treated with the drug—all of them taking the risk of experiencing a potentially serious side effect... So, before you agree to take a statin drug, please evaluate the risks and benefits.

What are the chances you will be in the minority who will benefit? And what are your chances of suffering a potentially devastating side effect? Make a conscious, informed decision, and keep track of any side effects once you start taking the drug!

Also know that there are other ways to improve your cholesterol that do not put your health at risk. My primary recommendations for safely regulating your cholesterol include:

• Reduce, with the plan of eliminating grains and fructose from your diet. This is the number one way to optimize your insulin levels, which will have a positive effect on not just your cholesterol, but also reduces your risk of diabetes and heart disease, and most other chronic diseases. Use my Nutrition Plan to help you determine the ideal diet for you, and consume a good portion of your food raw.
• Get plenty of high quality, animal-based omega 3 fats, such as krill oil, and reduce your consumption of damaged omega-6 fats (trans fats, vegetable oils) to balance out your omega-3 to omega-6 ratio.
• Include heart-healthy foods in your diet, such as olive oil, coconut and coconut oil, organic raw dairy products and eggs, avocados, raw nuts and seeds, and organic grass-fed meats.
• Exercise daily. Make sure you incorporate peak fitness exercises, which also optimizes your human growth hormone (HGH) production.
• Avoid smoking or drinking alcohol excessively.
• Be sure to get plenty of good, restorative sleep.

Unlike statin drugs, which lower your cholesterol at the expense of your health, these lifestyle strategies represent a holistic approach that will benefit your overall health—which includes optimal insulin levels and a healthy cardiovascular system.

Finally Some Progress

I got my lab results back. It appears the bad stuff has gotten better, but the good stuff is not so good any more. I need to find that equilibrium.

Before (4/15/2011)
Total cholesterol - 207
Triglycerides - 41
LDL - 143
HDL - 56

After (7/13/2011)
Total cholesterol - 159
Triglycerides - 73
LDL - 98
HDL - 46

My doctor took me off of the Lovastatin, so now it is really up to me to get healthy and stay healthy. So here we go...I just got my second wind!!!

Reality Check

While I was in Pensacola I had this cough. I asked my sister, the nurse, what she thought it was that was causing this it. Jokingly she said, “You might have TB.” Okay so now that I am a hypochondriac, my mind went into panic mode. Considering where I work it could very well be possible. So when I got back to Houston, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for a TB skin test. I had already wanted to talk to her about my cholesterol medicine, so this TB scare just made the doctor’s visit that much more important.

On Monday I went in for the TB test, and I talked to my doctor about the side effects I have been experiencing with the Lovastatin. She said when I come back to get the TB test read then I can have blood drawn to check my cholesterol. Depending on the results she would either take me off or change my meds. I left feeling a little hopeful, but very worried about the TB results.

Today when I went back to the doctor, the receptionist called me to the back and asked me to sit in the lab chair. She walked away to find the phlebotomist, but before she left she gave me some paperwork. While I was waiting for the phlebotomist, I started looking over the papers that the receptionist had given me. One of the papers had my medical history listed on it. What was listed under my medical history darn near brought tears to my eyes. The paper said I suffered from obesity. Just typing it makes me want to cry.

Currently I am in the over-weight category (5’9, 197lbs), but just last year I was in the obese category (215lbs). Granted I a moving in the right direction, but... (rolling my eyes) According to the CDC website, I need to be between 125 and 169lbs to be at a healthy weight. I must drop at least 30lbs.

I have to do this. I must do this. I have to do this. I HAVE TO DO THIS.

Random Thoughts

I must say I haven’t really been feeling like writing lately. Last weekend I went home to Florida to spend time with my family. While I was there my husband made a very interesting comment. He told me that when I am in Florida I always seem to be refreshed, and that he thinks being in Texas drains the energy out of me. Since then I have been giving that comment a whole lot of thought.

Now that I am thinking about it more, I have noticed that I did not have these health issues before I moved to TX. That is not to say that I would not have high cholesterol if I was still in FL, because it could just be genetics. However I am the only one in my family with high cholesterol, ugh! Anyway, did you know out here you can eat at a different restaurant every day for a year and not eat at the same restaurant twice? Yeah where I am from in FL you can't do that. I did not eat out this much when I was in FL. I didn’t sit on my ace this much either. Being out here has really changed my way of life, and not in a good way. If only I could convince my husband to move to FL…

On another note, I am seriously thinking about not taking the lovastatin. That medicine has me so tired at the end of the day. Even though I take it around the same time every night, the next day I am wiped out. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday, and I am going to have to discuss this with her. Of course this means that I am going to have to get disciplined really quickly, and stick to a serious diet and exercise routine. But gosh I can’t continue like this. I am 32yrs old, and I go to bed before nine o’clock!

Also, I finally found the flax seed. I tried eating it with cold cereal; very bad idea. The texture was awful. So I mixed it with my instant oatmeal, and that seem to be a little better. The oatmeal wasn’t all that great though, not sure if it was the flavor of the oatmeal or the flax seed. By eating the oatmeal with flax seed and soy milk, I knock out three steps first thing in the morning! How awesome is that?! For the days that I do not eat my oatmeal for breakfast, I stop by Starbucks and pick up a grande soy latte which gives me 15 of the 20 grams of soy.

At first trying to work in all ten steps seemed to have been overwhelming, but now I have figured out ways to mix them all together. Now if I can just do something about this medication.

It's The Little Things

Am I an idiot or what? Okay so why does this book say, “Consume 3 grams (starting dose) to 10 grams (most therapeutic dose) of psyllium husk every day.” This whole time I thought I was only consuming 2 grams, in fact I was consume 6.4 grams of psyllium husk. Metamucil has approximately 3.4g of psyllium husk in each teaspoon. I drink 2 teaspoons a day; therefore I drink 6.4g a day! And to think math was my strongest subject J

That makes me feel good, because that means I have been complying with at least one of the steps for a few weeks now. Who knew I had some discipline?!

Slowly But Surely

I had a conversation with my cousin last night. He and I were talking about our health issues. I told him how I wanted to change my eating habits to lower my cholesterol rather than taking medication. Of course he said he would rather take the medication. So I went on to explain some of the side effects I have been having (e.g. fatigue and joint pains). Changing my diet doesn’t really come with side effects.

Eating oatmeal was the first obstacle I have been able to overcome. Over the weekend I finally forced myself to eat oatmeal, and it wasn’t that bad. Well that’s not true; the first bowl was absolutely disgusting. It was the first bowl of oatmeal I had made in 13 years, and it wasn’t instant either. The second bowl wasn’t too bad. Next time I go grocery shopping I will have to remember to get some toppings, because cinnamon alone is not going to cut it. I must say eating oatmeal for breakfast did keep me full for a long time. I didn’t feel the need to snack throughout day. My only concern is that eating oatmeal is going to make me put on some serious pounds.

What I have also noticed is that I haven’t had any swelling in my feet and ankles in a long time. Thank God!!! I take that as some progress. Again baby steps, but hey I’ll take that. I have also started riding Metro again instead of driving to work. This forces me to get some exercise during the day.

I have just come to the realization that changing things in my life cannot be sudden. That’s why I am constantly going through withdrawals and relapsing. It’s like a smoker trying to quit cold turkey, for some it works but it sends others into shock. I can’t go cold turkey! BABY STEPS! There isn’t anything wrong with taking baby steps. You would think I was born in the ‘80’s J

Pity Party: Part 2

Am I kidding myself? Am I really trying, or am I just pretending? Discipline just isn't in the cards for me, and I don't know why. Do I really need to have someone barking at me, and making me go to the gym and eat right? At first I was so gung-ho about this whole getting my life together and being a healthier person, but somewhere along the way I have lost my momentum. I am a grown woman taking baby steps. Ugh!

Maybe it's the instant gratification thing that I am looking for. Well there is no maybe; I am looking for instant gratification. I want the weight to fall off right now. I want the cholesterol to go down right now. I want...I want...I want. I want it, but I am not willing to work for it. Again I ask why I am so dedicated to my work but not to my health.

I know that I do not like what I see when I look in the mirror. Absolutely hate the way certain clothes look on me. I feel a whole lot older than I really am. My ankles swell, my knees hurt when I walk up stairs, and I am always tired. How sad is that?! I am 32yrs old and I feel like I am 72. Actually a 72yr old might feel a whole lot better than I do. What am I to do?! I know, crawl up in my bed and cry my eyes out (as the tears start to fall).

Finally Taking Action

I have started some of the ten steps to lower my cholesterol – from the Cholesterol Down: Ten Simple Steps to Lower Your Cholesterol in Four Weeks--Without Prescription Drugs by Dr. Janet Bond Brill. Some of the steps I am having a hard time implementing.

1. Eat 1 cup of oatmeal every day

Yeah after watching The Golden Child, I just can’t see myself eating oatmeal. Maybe I can find a substitute.

2. Eat a handful of almonds daily, approximately 30

I have been very diligent about eating exactly 30 almonds a day.

3. Eat at least 2 tablespoons of ground flaxseed daily

I went grocery shopping for flaxseed, but they were all out. So instead I have been eating the Kashi Go Lean Honey Almond and Flax cereal. Now that I’m thinking about eating this cereal puts me over 30 almonds a day. So I will have to cut back on #2.

4. Consume 3 grams of psyllium husk daily, gradually increasing to 10 grams

I have been consuming 2 grams of Metamucil for the past two weeks. I will move up to 3 grams on Sunday. But you must know that Metamucil is fast acting! It makes me feel like a baby; after every meal I am using the bathroom (TMI I know!).

5. Eat ½ cup of beans, peas, or lentils daily

I haven’t figured out a way to incorporate ½ cup of beans, peas, or lentils into my diet. Maybe I can start making some kind of salad with beans. Hmm I’ll have to think about this one.

6. Eat an apple every day

My husband decided he wanted to give the babysitter all of our apples. Luckily I bought some apple juice. So I have been drinking the apple juice with my Metamucil (trying to kill two birds with one stone).

7. Consume 2-3 grams of phytosterols per day at two separate meals

This week I have not been cooking with any oil. Usually when I do cook I use olive oil, or I will bake it. So this step really isn’t relevant to me.

8. Eat 20-25 grams of soy protein every day

I have finally found soy yogurt. Now I eat a cup of soy yogurt a day, and I also eat soy milk with my cereal.

9. Eat a clove of fresh garlic and one Kyolic one per day

I absolutely hate the taste of garlic! Walgreens sell garlic pills, so maybe I can use that as a substitute. I just hate garlic.

10. Walk for 30 minutes every day

Since I have not made any attempt to go to the gym, I have decided to start riding public transportation which forces me to exercise. In this 100+ degree weather, it has been no walk in the park at all. But I have been sticking with it. Plus it saves gas.

So 6 out of 10 aren’t bad, at least I don’t think. I think I am well on my way. I am really anxious to see if I can lower my cholesterol by changing my diet and exercising, or am I just fighting genetics. Either way, at least I am making an effort to eat healthier. Finally in the action phase!!!

Baby Steps

It’s been 2 ½ weeks and here I am sick again. I must say I have not been stressed or emotional these past two weeks; must have been something I picked up from someone else. Hopefully I have not damaged my body to point where I am going to be sick all the time.

On another note I have ordered the book “Cholesterol Down: Ten Simple Steps to Lower Your Cholesterol in Four Weeks--Without Prescription Drugs”, by Janet Brill. It seems really easy, so I should not have any problems following the steps. I have already incorporated one of the steps into my diet – added Metamucil. This book had some great reviews, so I’m excited to see what happens.

My biggest issue still is getting my butt back into the gym. I really don’t have an excuse; I just don’t go. I think I need a workout partner. No I need to get my lazy butt off the sofa and go workout.

Off the Wall

It is amazing how much stress you can release by just having a night out with friends. This is the least stressed I have been in a very long time. Being able to just let my hair down and get lost in the moment was the best therapy ever. Of course this can’t be a weekly thing, but definitely will have to do it more often.

Man it feels good to have checked out of Hotel Misery! How in the heck did I allow myself to even stay there for so long? Oh well, no sense in dwelling on the past.

Singin…“So tonight gotta leave that nine to five upon the shelf, and just enjoy yourself. Groove, let the madness in the music get to you. Life ain’t so bad at all, if you live it off the wall. Life ain’t so bad at all (live life off the wall). Live your life off the wall (live it off the wall).” – Michael Jackson

Clean and Clear

This weekend turned out to be a really great weekend. No stress and no worries, just a weekend of relaxation. I made a promise to myself that I would check out of Hotel Misery and look for a permanent resident in the Serenity subdivision. The best way I have found to check out is to do a serious cleaning/purging in my home. I am a firm believer that if your house is in chaos, then your life is in chaos.

While doing some much needed cleaning, I realized that my problems are like stains in a carpet. You can sweep, vacuum, spot clean, and steam clean but the stains keep resurfacing. Moving the furniture around will cover up some stains, but it will also reveal some old stains that you tried to cover up before. At some point you just have to pull that old carpet up and replace it with new flooring.

It is amazing how much clarity you have after cleaning house. I would give details, but yeah that is not going to happen…

Emotion Sickness

I was taken down for the count; the emotions and stress had finally taken its toll. Luckily it was only a cold, maybe sinuses, or maybe allergies. Who knows what it was. I know I felt like a Mac 10 had run me over.  How long can I continue to go like this? Not much further. I have to unravel this ball of emotions, even if it is just one layer at a time. It is time I get my house in order (figuratively speaking of course).

I am finally at the point where I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. It is time I stop feeling like I have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, because I really do not. Why do I have to spare others’ feelings, when they do not spare mine? Why do I have to look out for others, when they do not look out for me? Why? Why? Why? Why do I not allow myself to say no to those who do not have my best interest at heart? I have allowed all of this to happen to me. I have found comfort in this misery that is why.

Time out for the B.S. Actually it is not even time out, it is game over! Blow the whistle, because the fat lady is singing her ace off.

Hmmm

I’m at a loss for words. I have nothing to talk about, yet I have so much on my mind. A ball of mixed emotions is what I am. There is that word again – emotions. I thought blogging would be therapeutic for me; maybe help someone that is going through the same thing I am going through. It doesn’t seem to be going that direction, or maybe this is the process and I just do not understand it.

One day I will wake up and the light bulb will go off.

My Rock and My Redeemer

"In you, LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Keep me free from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, LORD, my faithful God."

- Psalms 31.1-5

Contemplation

While writing my post yesterday, the idea of addiction came up and I have been thinking about it ever since. Am I really addicted to food? Is that why it so hard for me to get it together?

Eating to me has always felt like a chore. I never know what I want to eat, then I have to either cook it or go get it, and then I would have to actually eat it. Way too much work! However when I am stressed, or sad, or bored I have no problem with going to find and/or get me something to eat. So what does this mean? Is emotional eating synonymous with having a food addiction?

I was speaking with a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC) today, and he was explaining some things to me about addiction. Of course with every fact he gave me I had a reason as to why it didn’t apply to me. After going around and around for about five minutes, I started paying attention to what I was saying. Then he hit me with the Motivational Interviewing (MI). Now I don’t sit in on the MI trainings, and he’s been doing this a whole lot longer than I have, so of course I could be wrong. But from what I have looked up, a person in contemplation is aware a problem exists and seriously considers, action, but has not yet made a commitment to an action. That is so me! I have identified the issue, and I am not in denial.

I really need to get to the bottom of this. Moving forward on the right path will be virtually impossible if I can't get to the bottom of this. Identifying the issue is not good enough; I have to do something about it. Scheduling a daily meeting with Mr. LCDC, for some additional MI, sounds like a plan to me.

Also, the Mayo Clinic posted some great tips on how to stop emotional eating. Check it out…Weight-loss help: Gain control of emotional eating

Tame your stress. If stress contributes to your emotional eating, try a stress management technique, such as yoga, meditation or relaxation.

Have a hunger reality check. Is your hunger physical or emotional? If you ate just a few hours ago and don't have a rumbling stomach, you're probably not really hungry. Give the craving a little time to pass.

Keep a food diary. Write down what you eat, how much you eat, when you eat, how you're feeling when you eat and how hungry you are. Over time, you may see patterns emerge that reveal the connection between mood and food.

Get support. You're more likely to give in to emotional eating if you lack a good support network. Lean on family and friends or consider joining a support group.

Fight boredom. Instead of snacking when you're not truly hungry, distract yourself. Take a walk, watch a movie, play with your cat, listen to music, read, surf the Internet or call a friend.

Take away temptation. Don't keep supplies of comfort foods in your home if they're hard for you to resist. And if you feel angry or blue, postpone your trip to the grocery store until you're sure that you have your emotions in check.

Don't deprive yourself. When you're trying to achieve a weight-loss goal, you may limit your calories too much, eat the same foods frequently and banish the treats you enjoy. This may just serve to increase your food cravings, especially in response to emotions. Let yourself enjoy an occasional treat and get plenty of variety to help curb cravings.

Snack healthy. If you feel the urge to eat between meals, choose a low-fat, low-calorie snack, such as fresh fruit, vegetables with fat-free dip, or unbuttered popcorn. Or try low-fat, lower calorie versions of your favorite foods to see if they satisfy your craving.

Get enough sleep. If you're constantly tired, you might snack to try to give yourself an energy boost. Take a nap or go to bed earlier instead.

Seek therapy. If you've tried self-help options but you still can't get control of your emotional eating, consider therapy with a professional mental health provider. Therapy can help you understand the motivations behind your emotional eating and help you learn new coping skills. Therapy can also help you discover whether you may have an eating disorder, which is sometimes connected to emotional eating.